Do You Remember?
by Mum6Gremlins
Summary: Bella writes an email to Edward reminiscing about their past. Bella knows Edward won't reply to it, he never does.


Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I wish I did as I would be able to afford to actually go on holiday for once!

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**Do You Remember?**

"Babe, are you ready yet?" I shout into the kitchen from the den.

"Nearly!"

"Okay, I've just gotta do something real quick and then we're gonna go"

All I can hear is a mumble in reply, I roll my eyes knowing he's answering with his mouth full of cereal.

Like every morning I look in the mirror I wonder how I became like this – a shell of my former self, pretending to the outside world that I'm okay, while really I'm not living I'm only really surviving because I have to - and like every morning I find my answer in the email I send you.

**To: Edward Cullen**

**Subject: Do you remember?**

Edward,

I'm writing in hope that today will be the day that I find peace in my email to you. I know that this is unlikely but I'm gonna try anyway.

Do you remember, when we went to that fancy restaurant when we first started dating back in high school and I fell into that old guys lap while walking pass his table? You laughed so hard I thought you were going to piss yourself.

Actually, I'm kinda surprised you didn't lol.

Do you remember, when we told everyone that we were dating?

That they just laughed at us and told us that we were stupid to have tried to have kept it a secret as we were destined to get together at some point.

Those first days of us dating when we thought no-one knew where some of the funniest times I think I ever had, the sneaking around, the secret kisses and groping and just the thought of when we would be able to see each other next without any distractions from the outside world.

Do you remember, when we decided to take our relationship to the next level? That was the best Friday afternoon ever. Skipping English just so we could take your car to the forest. The feel of your hands traveling up my legs to my pussy, the feel of your mouth _there, _the feel of you sliding your cock into me as painful as it was, it was one of the best memorable types of pains I've felt. The look on your face when you came has never left me, as well as the time I decided to give you a blow job and gagged so much I nearly puked on your cock. I can laugh about that now, but at the time it was devastating and embarrassing. I suppose at 17 anything like that is. But the way that you held me afterwards and calmed down made me realise that I could love you more than I already did even though I didn't think that was possible.

Do you remember when we found out that we were having a baby?

I still can't believe how calm you were, when I was so scared. I mean we were only 19, both of still lived at home with our parents and only had part time jobs. I seriously thought this would be our breaking point, even though we loved each other a baby wasn't the most ideal thing to add to our relationship – I mean, look at my parents, they didn't last long after I was born and Renee always blamed me from stopping her being able to do so many things – but yet again you calmed me down and Carlisle, Esme and Charlie were so supportive (unlike Renee, though we didn't expect her to be)

Do you remember the day that our baby arrived?

Okay, I know that's a stupid question but I had to ask. I wish I hadn't of shouted and abused you so much that day but the pain was unbearable at the time. It's not true what every mother told us "You'll forget the pain as soon as you hold your baby in your arms!" I'm afraid I'll never forget that pain, but it was so worth it. I never thought I could ever love anyone as much as I love you, but that's not true I love our son just as much even though it's a different type of love, he still fills my heart just the same as you do. He's our greatest achievement and for that I can't fail him, like I did you.

Do you remember when we had that major argument and you left me on Dane's 1st birthday?

I've never told you how sorry I am about that day as you won't hear me, but I am. I'm sorrier than you could ever be able to imagine.

It was a stupid argument about some stupid fucking balloons that I had forgotten to pick up and then I blamed you for it all. I remember you walking out the front door after calling me a forgetful bitch, I know you didn't mean it and we would normally have some pretty amazing make up sex later on after realising I was the one to blame as I had totally forgot to go to the store to buy the balloons while I was out buying Dane's birthday cake. He was going to be a year old for fuck sake, he wouldn't even know whether he had a party, a cake or some fucking balloons. He would be more interested the wrapping paper and boxes his presents were in, but oh no I just had to have the balloons.

I remember 3 hours after you left getting a knock at the door and thinking it was Charlie arriving to help us set up for the party. It was Charlie but only he wasn't there to help us set up, he was there to give me the worse news I could ever imagine - you were dead!

Some drunk fucker knocked you down in the store car park while he was trying to get back home before his wife knew he had been at the bar all day on his day off instead of doing chores around the house and picking the kids up from school.

I've always hoped that you're last moments were quick and peaceful. Maybe you were remembering the day we first met or perhaps the day I looked at you and we both realised just being friends wouldn't cut it anymore or perhaps the day we first said "I Love You" to each other.

These are all things I've never forgotten. It maybe 5 years later but you were and still are the only man to ever own my heart completely, I've tried dating as everyone keeps saying that I need to move on but I can't help comparing the men I've dated (which have only been 3 by the way) to you, I know that you would tell me that I'm being an idiot and that everyone is right but I don't want to move on as I'm scared that if I do I'll start to forget you and I don't want that to happen.

I know all I have to do is look at Dane as he is the spitting image of you and I can see you in him – the innocent you, the one I met when we were 7 years old.

I just hope that if you can see us from wherever you are, you're proud of us.

Love forever

Bella xx

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As usual I don't send this email, I mean what would be the point of sending it to a closed email account but strangely for once writing an email to Edward makes me feel lighter and like I might be able to get through the day without faking it too much.

I shut my laptop down and head into the kitchen to see if Dane is finally ready to go see his Daddy, so he can tell him all about what he got for his 5th birthday, so far.

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**A/N: So, that happened. I hope that you liked it ….. or not.**

**This was kind of a writing exercise for me, as I wanted to see if I could write something half decent, I'm not too sure if I've actually achieved that but it feels good to have actually sat down at the laptop and write something while I remember it, lol.**


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